It has been said that having children is like forever having a part of your heart reside outside of your body. Or something similarly smaltzy.
The more I think about this, the more it rings true. Essentially with every child, you are taking a big old risk. The problem is, when your heart isn't safely contained inside of your body bad things can happen to it. It can fall down, it can get hurt or sick.
Currently, one of my little guys is exhibiting some symptoms of a genetic disease for which I am a carrier. Initial tests indicated that my husband was not a carrier, so we were lulled into a sense of security. Turns out, those tests were not completely fool-proof and there is still a chance (about 15% depending on whom you ask) that he could still carry the defective gene.
We are awaiting the results of yet another (again not completely conclusive) genetic test. I am a nervous wreck. It has been two weeks and the results are STILL not in. Technically, I understand that this sort of test takes time. I'm trying very hard to be patient.
I'm very bad at being patient.
The worst part is, that even if the test comes back negative, I will still know that there is a (increasingly) slim chance that it is a false positive. I will continue to insist on further testing and my doctor will continue to think that I am a crazy neurotic woman. This is one of those times when being a biologist and a mom is a very bad combination.