Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Middle School

My first born son is getting older.

Today I sent him off for his first day of middle school.  Middle school - guerrilla warfare for tweens. As I watched him walk away to the bus stop I realized that he didn't have clue what he was getting himself into.

You see, I went to middle school.  I survived it, not everyone was so lucky.  I fear that things have only gotten worse.

I went to the "Back to school Fair" a few days ago and what I saw chilled me to the bone.


Middle school girls

Middle School Girls with BOOBS! (as an aside, put those things away for about the next 10 year, kay? kay!)

Now, there are probably some of you out there in internet land with middle school girls, and I'm sure that you are good people.  I'm sure that you are trying your very hardest to keep your little girls from turning into what one friend of mine calls "prosta-teens".

But maybe I can have a swing at it.

You, Middle School Girl....take a step into my office.  And leave the cell phone, you can survive 50 seconds with out texting....really!!

Ok dear, lets get a few things out of the way here.  When it comes to make-up less is more....when it comes to clothing more is more, you seem to have these two confused.

Second, calling another girl a bitch doesn't make you cool, if anything it sort of makes you a bitch.  We as women, and you will one day be a woman...but not yet, have enough crap to deal with without dragging each other down.  Take care of your girlfriends and they will take care of you.

Finally, we all know that you mature faster than boys do.  While you are thinking about S-E-X my son is mostly only worried about the next minecraft update.  If you mess with my innocent little boy, all those evil things that you dream of doing to that girl who stole your boyfriend or looks better in that micro-mini than you will be visited upon you tenfold.  Do not underestimate me.

Now off you go!  Have a lovely school year, dearie!