Sunday, August 31, 2014

Zen and the Art of Lawnmower Maintance

Part of being a fabulous single woman is having to do the things around the house that my ex-husband used to do.  Now, truth be told, that is not a very long list, but that is a topic for another day....

Mowing the lawn was always the purview of the man of the house.  Even when my husband was gone for weeks at a time I never mowed the lawn.  (I just sort of let it grow wild out there and hoped that all of the children made it home at the end of the day.)  Now that I'm on my own mowing the lawn is the chore that I dread the most.

Lawn mowers are the culmination of everything I hate.  They are loud.  They smell bad.  They can remove a limb if you're not careful.  These are, in my opinion, not positive qualities in a car, a man or a power tool.

I never look this happy mowing my lawn

The first time I tried to mow the lawn I spent about 15 minutes pulling that damn string before I realized that you have to hold the handle down at the same time.  Then there was the time that the lawnmower ran out of gas.  I didn't know where to put the gas.  I didn't know what kind of gas to use (diesel?  unleaded?  kerosine????)  I had heard some vague whispering about mixing oil with the gas, did that still happen?  How did you do that?  I HAD NO CLUE!!!

But then ... I figured it out.  I harnessed the power of Google, the owner's manual and my very lawn savvy neighbor and somehow managed to keep my lawnmower in functioning condition.

I still hate mowing the lawn, but now when I look out there and see my (poorly) mown lawn it just reminds me that I can do stuff on my own....I'm actually sort of kick ass.

Monday, August 25, 2014

What I want to be when I grow up......

As part of being a newly single woman I am obligated to find a job. (I had initially just assumed that I would sponge off of my ex for several decades, but he seems to thing that's not how it should be...go figure.)

It's been a little over a year that I've been seriously searching and I have to tell you...pickin's are slim out there my friends!  Being a mom gets a lot of lip service.  No one will ever tell you that being a mother is a waste of your time, that would be down-right unAmerican!  But when you tell an employer that you've spend the last 8 years being a stay at home mother they look at you like you should be carrying an apple pie instead of a resume. 

I don't have to tell you, my fellow mothers, that being a mother (stay at home or otherwise) is no walk in the park.  In fact, mothers have developed several valuable skills that can easily transition to the workplace.  Let me enumerate several for you....

1.  Time Management - I can get three kids to three different activities at three different locations, do a load of laundry, cut out three dozen paper apples for a kindergarden class, bake brownies for Elementary School movie night, mow the lawn and have dinner on the table at 6pm without batting an eyelash....That's a typical day for a mom, I'd like to see the CEO of Microsoft take on THAT schedule!

2.  People Skills - A mother often must work with small people who can be demanding, unreasonable, rune and often in need of a nap.  If we can manage these sorts of people difficult co-workers or prickly clients are a cake walk.

3.  Budgeting - Feed three kids for a month on less than $300 - check.  Make difficult budget cuts including canceling cable and going from good wine to two-buck-chuck - check.  Forgoing the current season of Sherlock until it's (FINALLY) available on Netflix - checkedy-check-check.  Mom's know how to stretch a dollar and where to cut back in their budget to keep things running during slim times.

4.  Professionalism - Moms are SO beyond the drama.  We know what matters and what doesn't.  As a mother you only have so much time in the day to worry.  We've learned that worrying about who the trendy teen idol is dating or who is wearing what to work isn't worth our valuable time. We'd rather worry about doing the best job that we can do, mastering out trade and growing in our careers.

As you can see, mom skills are really quite valuable and easily transferable to the modern workplace.  Now....if anyone is looking for a molecular biologist with these skills ...and more drop me a line!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

cha - cha - cha - CHANGES!

Big changes are afoot here at Chez Delinquent.  I don't know if anyone still reads this blog and I guess for now it's ok if no one does.  Over the past year things have gone all wee-wacky-woo-hoo and I've ended up as a single mom with three kids!

So ---yeah....divorce...the D word.  When I tell people I get a lot of mixed reactions.

Most people say that they are sorry, which I guess is the "right" thing to say, but really, why would they be sorry?  My marriage wasn't working and I think that everyone is better off now that we have acknowledged that and are moving in our own separate directions.

Some people want to know what happened.  It's pretty hard to distill the issues that eventually broke apart a 15 year marriage into one pithy sentence that doesn't end up sounding a little I usually just go with the standard, "We just grew apart."  This is really just code for "A whole lot of crazy shit went down and if you really wanna know what happened you're gonna have to set aside a few hours and buy me a drink."

My favorite response came from a mother in my neighborhood who is one of those people who either tells it like it is or is a huge bitch, depending on your perspective.  Frankly, I like her, you know where you stand with that woman....anyway, when I told her that I was getting divorced she replied "Oh thank GOD!" and proceeded to dish on my so to be ex.

Now my STBX is a nice enough guy, and I'm not blaming him for the divorce (well, maybe a little) but it was strangely cathartic to hear someone else justify my leaving my marriage.

Anyway...I'm not going to dwell.  I'm happier than I was a year ago.  Things have been hard, but they are getting better for everyone...I hope.

So I'm back, maybe no one wants to hear what I'm going to say, but that's cool.  I've learned that sometimes you need to do stuff for yourself, and if someone else appreciates it that's just gravy!