A note to the Fashion Industry

Dear fashion designer,
As part of my spiff it up goal I recently purchased a pair of shorts. These shorts claim to be made for "women" but bear very little resembelence to the form of a real human woman.

Let me explain.

I realize that, as you work in the fashion industry, you probably have little contact with real women so I will provide some visual assistance. Real women do not, typically, look like this:

More frequently they look like this:

It's okay, we all feel betrayed by cosmo at one time or another. I'll wait while you pull yourself back together.

Ok? Good.

This body structure is due to a number of factors. For example, many woman have actually produced new, very small, people in their bodies! In order to facilitate the removal of these small people, often refered to as children, nature has kindly provided women with an anatomical structure known as "hips". These hips are located below the waist and protrude from the body.

Additionally, many real women enjoy engaging in the consumption of what is known as "food". Some of us indulge in this activity more than others resuling in what is commonly refered to as a "butt", "heiny", "ass", "rear", or even "junk in the trunk". This anatomical addition is not abnormal and is, in fact, thought to be a valuable asset by some parties. (Mix-a-lot, S. 1992)

Now you are a smart person and can probably see where I'm going with this, but let me continue. When you try to put shorts made for a (fictional) woman like this:

Onto a real woman shaped like this:

What results is a gap in the back of the shorts. This gap is irresistable to children (remember them?) and husbands who think that it is hillarious to throw raisins, coins or any other small object down there everytime the woman bends over. This activity is, in fact, NOT hillarious.

So, as you are preparing your new line or entry for project runway or whatever it is that you do, please remember:

NOT