There is some sort of elusive popularity trait which I must admit, I do not posses. I wasn't popular in school. I'm not saying that I was unpopular. I had plenty of friends, and could even be seen carrying on actual conversations with members of the popular crowd. But I was never really a member of that crowd.
I had a very short stint as a probationary member when I was in the 7th grade. Up until 7th grade I went to a Catholic school. (I wasn't popular there either). When I transfered into the enormous local public school it took me about four seconds to determine who the popular group was and to begin
campaigning for admission. Using my newness as the ace in my pocket, I managed to start dating a boy who was firmly entrenched with the cool kids. My catholic school education did nothing to prepare me for what was ahead of me.
There were parties. Prior to my first public school party the only other parties I had been to had been to were birthday and first communion parties. These parties were either girls only or included a priest on the guest list. I was woefully unprepared. I had never heard any of the music they played. (Beastie Boys?? What page of the hymnal were they on?) I didn't know how to do the "dancing". (Those weeks of square dancing practice we had done in gym were clearly useless.) And I was uncomfortable putting my tongue inside someone elses mouth, much less doing it as part of a group.
It didn't take long for me, and everyone else there, to realize that I did not belong.
As junior high school turned into high school I retained my unpopular status, eventually firmly securing it by joining the matching band. I wasn't popular, but I had plenty of friends. I went out on the weekends and I nearly always had a date for important social events.
Eventually I went off to college and Grad school where there either wasn't a popular crowd or I was too busy to notice. I thought that I was done with the popularity contest. Then I went back to elementary school.
Or at least my oldest son did. I was thrown back into the pressure cooker that is the pursuit of the alpha mom. And again I am not popular. At first I tried to get in with the cool moms (and the occasional stay at home dad). I drank red wine, I gossiped about the neighbors and I volunteered to help out the HOA. And then it hot me. I didn't even like these women. They were boring and shallow. So I quit.
I stopped drinking in the late afternoon, I resumed not caring what my neighbors were doing and I called the HOA a bunch of fascists. And guess what. Nothing changed. (except that I got a notice from the HOA indicating that I needed mow my lawn, that was probably just a coincidence.) I was never really going to fit in with those women anyway.
I'm still not a popular mom, but freeing myself from the pursuit of popularity has given me more time for things that I think are worthwhile. Things like hanging out with my kids and husband, hitting the gym a few times a week, and even the occasional nap. I may not be an alpha mom, but my family and my liver, are probably better off for it.
- Posted by Krista from my iPhone
